You haven't seen the last of me
by anna4bates
Summary: John Bates' thoughts and feelings in prison awaiting his trial. Sorry, lame summary, I know


_So since I can't stop thinking about Downton Abbey, and I also really like the movie Burlesque right now; this is the result. A songfic of "You haven't seen the last of me" from the soundtrack of Burlesque. Hopefully it describes Bates' feelings over being locked up and so far away from his beloved Anna _

_Cher – You haven't seen the last of me_

_Feeling broken, barely holding on_

_But there's just something so strong_

_Somewhere inside me_

_And I am down but I'll get up again_

_Don't count me out just yet_

He had hoped never to set foot in a prison ever again. He knew he could handle holding up for months on the inside, he wasn't worried about himself. It was the thought of Anna, alone, having to face everything, everyone without him. John knew she was strong, in some ways stronger than him, but that didn't stop him worrying.

She would be ridiculed about being married to a convicted thief and a murderer. The world didn't know the truth, but that wouldn't stop them. He hoped she was alright, really alright. She couldn't come to visit as much as she would've liked, John appreciated her efforts all the same. She was being so brave, never faltering or wanting to appear as weak. Although sometimes her smile never quite reached her eyes. Week by week she looked more drawn and thin. He hated what this was doing to her, it was all his fault.

_I've been brought down to my knees_

_And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking_

_But I can take it_

_I'll be back, back on my feet_

_This is far from over_

_You haven't seen the last of me._

"For better or for worse", that's what she said to him. This was clearly what he hoped would be the 'worst' part and John strived for the day of the 'better' that she spoke of. He knew they would be happy. A life without Anna certainly looked bleak to him right now. He barely survived between her visits and when she came he was reminded of her grace and beauty.

_John__Bates__you__will__get__out__of__here_ he told himself constantly, _not__for__your__sake__but__for_hers_.__It__'__s__not__just__about__you__anymore.__She__is__your_wife_and__you__will__do__right__by_her_and__not__yourself._ When she couldn't visit, she would write. Every day was a struggle, but her letters cheered him greatly. She always tried to be reassuring and confident everything would work out. Most of the time he shared her optimism, but she didn't have to live in a tiny cell and be face to face with criminals 24/7. It was difficult to feel happy in those moments. Only when thinking of Anna was he ever remotely happy.

_They can say that, I won't stay around_

_But I'm gonna stand my ground_

_You're not gonna stop me_

_You don't know me; you don't know who I am_

_Don't count me out so fast_

_I've been brought down to my knees_

_And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking_

_But I can take it_

_I'll be back, back on my feet_

_This is far from over_

_You haven't seen the last of me._

Christmas was meant to be a glorious occasion. A time of giving, shared with family and loved ones. John hated that this was his first Christmas married to Anna and he couldn't even spend it with her. He could imagine it already. If he ever got out of jail- _when_ he got out of jail, he reminded himself- he would shower her with gifts and tell her he loved her every day, because she was perfect every day. She deserved to be happy and somehow she was happy with him.

On one of her first visits John had urged her to just walk away now and forget about him. Of course, she refused and had been faithful to him ever since. "Loving you is worth everything to me" she had said. God only knows how defeated he would have felt if she had actually left him. A life without her wasn't a life worth living.

_There will be no fade-out_

_This is not the end_

_I'm down now but I'll be standing tall again_

_Times are hard but I was built tough_

_I'm gonna show you all what I'm made of_

_I've been brought down to my knees_

_And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking_

_But I can take it_

_I'll be back, back on my feet_

_This is far from over_

_I am far from over_

_You haven't seen the last of me._

_No, no_

_I'm not going nowhere_

_I'm staying right here_

_Oh no, you won't see me fade-out_

_I'm not taking my bow_

_Can't stop me_

_It's not the end_

_You haven't seen the last of me._

It's not over yet, John Bates. You have done nothing wrong. You will be free once more and can have a happy normal life. Albeit a happy normal life with Anna. This is not the end.


End file.
